How to write an about page: a line-by-line rewrite

Nobody arrives on an About page out of curiosity. They arrive holding a card, halfway to a decision, looking for a reason not to close the tab. Then they read "Welcome to our store! We are passionate about quality," and the reason they were looking for fails to appear.

So the question is not how to write an about page that sounds nice. It is how to write an about page that answers the thing the reader is silently asking: if I send this stranger $38 and something goes wrong, what happens to me?

Below is a page of the kind that is everywhere, torn down line by line, then rebuilt. The example store is a composite — written from the pattern, not copied from any real store — because the pattern is identical across thousands of them.

The page we are tearing down

About Luma Lane

Welcome to Luma Lane! Founded in 2021, we are passionate about bringing you the highest quality products at affordable prices.

Our mission is to provide an exceptional customer experience and we go above and beyond for every single customer. We believe shopping should be easy, enjoyable and inspiring.

We are a small team based in the UK with a love for beautiful things. Every product in our collection is carefully curated with you in mind.

Thank you for supporting our small business!

Ninety words. Not one verifiable fact. A competitor could paste this onto their own site with only the name changed, which is the definition of copy that is not working.

"Welcome to Luma Lane!"

The first line of the page is the most-read line on the page, and this one spends it saying the name the reader just clicked. "Welcome" is a greeting, and a greeting carries no information.

Rewrite: Luma Lane is me, Priya, pouring soy candles in a workshop in Leeds.

Who, what, where, in twelve words. The reader now knows there is a person and a place.

"Founded in 2021, we are passionate about..."

"Passionate" is unverifiable by design. Nobody writes "we are moderately interested in candles," so the word has no opposite and therefore no meaning.

The date is the one useful thing in the sentence and it is buried. Four years of trading is a real trust signal for a store a buyer has never heard of — lead with it rather than hiding it in a subordinate clause.

Rewrite: I have been doing it since 2021 — about 4,000 candles, most of them to repeat customers.

Only write that second clause if it is true and you could show the dashboard. A number you cannot source is worse than no number, which is the whole argument of building trust in an online store.

"the highest quality products at affordable prices"

Two claims, neither of which any competitor would contradict. No store has ever advertised mediocre products at inflated prices, so the sentence tells the reader nothing and signals that you have not thought about what makes yours different.

Specifics do the work instead: the material, the process, the thing you refuse to do.

Rewrite: Soy wax, cotton wicks, no paraffin and no synthetic dyes. They cost more than supermarket candles and less than the department store ones.

That third sentence is the brave one. Stating your price position outright filters out the wrong buyer before they order and then ask for a refund.

"Our mission is to provide an exceptional customer experience"

A mission statement is written for the founder, not the reader. The reader is not asking about your aspiration; they are asking what happens when the parcel arrives broken.

Answer that question here, in the actual words you will use.

Rewrite: If a candle arrives broken or you simply do not like it, email me within 30 days and I will replace it or refund you. You do not need to send it back.

This paragraph is worth the entire rest of the page. It converts an abstract feeling into a commitment with a window, a method and a named outcome.

"We are a small team based in the UK"

Two hedges in one line. "Small team" with no number usually means one person, and the reader suspects it. "The UK" with no city is vagueness where precision costs nothing.

If you are one person, say so. For a maker, a coach or an artist, the single-person fact is an asset, not something to be smoothed over.

Rewrite: It is one person and a bench in Leeds. I pour on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is why made-to-order scents take three or four days to leave.

That sentence does two jobs: it is honest about scale, and it quietly explains your lead time before it becomes a support ticket.

"Every product in our collection is carefully curated with you in mind"

"Curated" has been worn down to mean "we chose things." Say what you chose and what you rejected — the rejection is the interesting half.

Rewrite: There are eleven scents because I test about thirty a year and most do not make it. Anything that smells synthetic when it burns down gets dropped.

"Thank you for supporting our small business!"

This asks the reader for an emotional favor before they have been given a reason, and it frames the purchase as charity rather than a good trade. Keep the gratitude for the order confirmation email, where it has been earned.

Use the end of the page for the thing a hesitant buyer needs most: a way to reach a human.

Rewrite: Questions before you order? Email [email protected] — I answer same day on weekdays.

Only promise a response time you can hold on a bad week.

The rebuilt page

About Luma Lane

Luma Lane is me, Priya, pouring soy candles in a workshop in Leeds. I have been doing it since 2021.

Soy wax, cotton wicks, no paraffin and no synthetic dyes. They cost more than supermarket candles and less than the department store ones.

There are eleven scents because I test about thirty a year and most do not make it. Anything that smells synthetic when it burns down gets dropped.

It is one person and a bench. I pour on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so made-to-order scents take three or four days to leave. Orders of in-stock scents go out next working day, by tracked post.

If a candle arrives broken or you simply do not like it, email me within 30 days and I will replace it or refund you. You do not need to send it back.

Questions before you order? Email [email protected] — I answer same day on weekdays.

[photo of the actual bench, mid-pour, taken on a phone]

Roughly the same length as the original. Compare what the two versions contain.

Facts replaced claims. No adjective had to be upgraded to do it.

Where an About page is oversold

Most visitors never open it. An About page is not a traffic page, it is a closing page — read by the minority who are mid-decision, which makes it high-value per visit and low-value in total.

Three things follow from that.

It cannot be where your policies live. A returns window mentioned only on the About page is effectively hidden. It belongs on the product page and in the checkout flow too.

It cannot carry a store that answers nothing else. If shipping cost appears only at the last checkout step and there is no contact route in the footer, a great About page does not rescue the sale.

It does not need to be long. Three hundred words of fact beats a thousand words of story. If your story is genuinely interesting — you learned the craft from a grandparent, you left a job to do this — tell it in two sentences and get back to the lead time.

The AI version of this page is the original, not the rewrite

Worth knowing before you ask any tool to write it: the generic page at the top is roughly what an unguided AI produces, because it is the average of every About page ever published, and the average is the problem.

mAutomate's AI Storefront Studio drafts your pages and nothing publishes until you approve it, which is the point at which this post becomes useful. The draft can hold the structure. The facts — your name, your city, your Tuesdays, your refund window — have to come from you, and there is no setting that invents them safely. More on where that boundary sits in the review queue.